Adelyn turned one month old this week. She weighs 10 and a half pounds and is in the 95th centile for length. She's gets more and more alert every day. I swear I can even illicit a responsive smile every now and then. I can't get her to do it twice in a row though, which makes me wonder if it really is responsive or not.
She is crying more and more. The pediatrician says she seems like an easy baby because she is very aware. She should be consolable most of the time. I guess she is consolable. But only if she's being held and has your undivided attention. I guess maybe it's not her, but it's me not wanting to have the only thing I accomplish each day be consoling the baby. Maybe that makes me a bad mom. It certainly makes me feel selfish!
some random thoughts after having been at this for a month...
I am so blessed that Adelyn is good at breastfeeding. We struggled some the first two days, but she has been a champ at it ever since. If feeding was difficult, I would be beside myself with frustration. So, to all mom's and future mom's out there...don't let anyone tell you what you should be doing when it comes to feeding your baby. Do what you need to do to have a functional relationship with your baby and a life that doesn't drive you crazy. And if you need someone to listen without making judgments, please call me.
I missed being pregnant for the first time the other day. The first few days after Adelyn was born, looking at her feet made me fondly reminisce about feeling her little heels move across my belly. But that wasn't exactly missing being pregnant, more like remembering the parts I liked.
Yesterday I had choir practice for the first time since Adelyn was born. When I went to choir pregnant, I would realize several times during rehearsal that Adelyn could probably hear me singing. It would make the singing a little more special. During practice, I found myself smiling about the baby being able to hear me...when I realized that she couldn't...and the singing was a little less enjoyable. I hadn't realized that I enjoyed singing more because of being pregnant.
Before I had a baby, I thought that co-sleeping was crazy. I couldn't really understand how anyone would want to share their bed with their baby...and how could they feel secure that they wouldn't squash them? I may want some time without my baby in my arms during the day, but at night it seems ridiculous to have her anywhere else. I have to restrict myself to only letting her in the bed after the early morning feeding she has around 5am. I am really sad that we only have another month before we should really stop having her in our bed for that one too. It's so sweet to have her next to me and feel her breathing and sighing early in the morning. I love her the most at that time...and somehow you really do just know that squashing your baby would be impossible.
It takes some time to learn how to use cloth diapers...I say as I realize that my lap is soaked! I can't figure out how to get these SoftBums to stop leaking out the sides!!! I've got the pre-folds down though!
It's amazing how all my baby's bodily functions aren't gross. I am comfortable picking the boogers out of her nose with my fingers. I don't mind when she spits up on me...at all. It's annoying when I was ready to leave the house or when it's my last clean nursing top, but it's not gross even a little. Her poop is fine too...even when she manages to get it on her feet while I'm changing her and I don't realize until it's all over my hands. And I still have the urine on my lap that I typed about a minute ago...that's how little I care about that. I'll get up in a minute to clean us both off...but she might as well finish before I get her a clean diaper. I guess that's love!
Sometimes my heart aches with how much I love Adelyn...but only sometimes. Other times she makes me hate my life. Thank goodness even that is ok because she does make my heart ache with love of her.
Ok, I'm going to go change our clothes...and email Kristi, the SoftBums expert to see if she has any suggestions for how to get the leaking to stop!
I am obsessed with that picture of her sleeping with her arms over her head. She looks so peaceful and so so cute. I am sorry that you enjoyed choir less, but I loved getting to spend a little time with your little girl.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that feeling of having your life consumed by consoling or entertaining a baby. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you a mom. If you ever decide you'd like to do something for yourself I'd be happy to console or entertain Adelyn for a bit. It doesn't make you selfish to do this either. Sometimes you just need a little time for your self and your sanity. Love you.
I love the name Adelyn! Perhaps that's because my middle name is Adell. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. There are often times I feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I realized while holding Katelyn at that age was how dependent she was upon me. She needed me to take care of everything for her! In the same way, we are dependent upon God. We need God to feed us spiritual food. We need God to clean up our "messes." We need God hold us in the dark of night. And in the same way we need God as our child needs us... God loves us with that complete adoration and love as we love our child. God probably even gets frustrated with our crying at times too!
Also, AMEN! and AMEN! about the feeding! If you need someone to lean upon, email me. I was there not too long ago. Enjoy these precious moments with your daughter. It's okay to be a mother at this time in your life. She will be walking, feeding herself, and expressing her independence before you know it. Welcome to the most amazing challenge of life!
Hey Donnice, I came across your blog via your Facebook page. Just wanted to say that I think Adelyn is gorgeous and you guys sound like wonderful parents! :) I especially love the pic of her sleeping with her arms above her head-- our son Liam does that too, and it's sooooo cute!
ReplyDeleteOne thing made me curious, though: why do you say you need to stop co-sleeping within a month or so? Liam is 14 months old and has slept in our bed every night since he was born (we don't even own a crib) and we've never had a moment's regret. I've gotten a fair amount of flak from my in-laws and my pediatrician about co-sleeping, but I just tune them out. Rick and I love having him snuggled up against us at night, and that's what counts. Plus: at a certain point they figure out how to latch on without help, and then you can sleep through the night feeds! :)